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Intimacy Outside the Bedroom

Being intimate means more than just getting physical with your partner. Being intimate with your partner creates a deep emotional connection that contributes to a more satisfying sexual bond.

Here are some ways to build on your intimacy:

*Intimacy exists in and outside the bedroom.

Flirt with each other throughout the day.

* Incorporate affectionate touch when around each other. Hold hands. Stroke an arm. Hug. Cuddle up. Give each other a massage. Touch doesn’t necessarily have to lead to sex. A little anticipation goes a long way.

* Make eye contact and hold it. Do this often — when you agree, when you disagree, when you share that inside joke, and when life gets overwhelming.

* Let your guard down. Be emotionally vulnerable and available for each other. Be present for each other.

* Really kiss. And take your time about it.

* Communicate your emotions. Say “I love you” if that’s how you feel.

* What turns you on? Candlelight, sensual music, a long soak in a hot tub? Whatever it is, take the time to set the stage and get in the mood.

* Communicate your physical desires. Take turns leading each other through what you like.

* When things get physical, tune in to your senses. Touch, see, hear, smell, and taste with every fiber of your being.

* Really be there in the moment with this person who wants to be in the moment with you. Let there be nothing else. And by all means, turn off the TV and cell phone during your time together.

So much of the disconnection that arises during intimacy can be traced to the pressure to perform or achieve something. Whether that is having an orgasm, trying to look a certain way, or being perceived as a gifted lover it distracts from the sacredness and beauty of the present moment.

Intimacy is about connection. The closer we feel to our partner, the more we can just have fun.

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