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Parenting and intimacy

Sex is permissible after the first trimester, but most often than not-to-be parents refrain from indulging in any physical or sexual activity for fear of hurting the baby in the womb. However, there are a few things one needs to keep in mind before you get into the act. With a baby in the same room you can still be intimate but you need to take some time, have patience and indulge when the mother’s body is ready.

With a baby in your room when you are having sex, just follow these 5 rules

1. Be patient : The woman’s body and internal organs are still raw post-childbirth. This is true not just in the case of vaginal delivery but also when childbirth has happened after a C section.

Remember that the woman’s body has gone through so much. The child has occupied and grown in her body for nine months, her muscles have been pulled like elastic and extended to the maximum, her limbs have borne the weight of a human being and are tired, her body has gone through the process of delivering a human child and she is beyond limits exhausted.

It takes anywhere between six to eight weeks for the woman’s body to recover. Give her that much time; she deserves it.

After the stipulated six to eight weeks, start off slowly. Start cuddling, hugging, feeling and then move on to the intercourse.

2. Safety first : Once the body has healed and you are ready to get all frisky and physical remember to give importance to safety first. Here we are talking about the child’s safety. Make sure the baby is well-fed and fast asleep before you start your act.

To ensure that the child does not get smothered or hurt while you are rolling about on the bed, make sure that the baby is on a different cot or in a baby bed/cradle. To be sure that the child sleeps through your entire act make sure you remain as silent as possible.

This is true for children between age 0 to 8 months. So, enjoy all the together time you can get during this period because once the child crosses the eight-month milestone, the challenges are far more.

3. Be discreet : Once your child is eight months and more, the child is more aware of what’s happening and more alert. Try and be discreet when you get physical with your partner now. Your child is observing, is watching and is also playful. With a baby in your room you can have sex but you have to know a few things.

Sometimes, the child might pretend to be asleep; but might actually be watching.

Sometimes the child who is fast asleep might wake up due to a bad dream and when he/she sees what mom and dad are doing; the child is traumatized.

For one, the child thinks dad is hurting mom, or that mom is dying and dad is killing her, or might even question why mom and dad are naked. In worst-case scenarios, as a Child Psychologist, I have had cases of children reenacting what they saw either with their dolls or with their friends.

4. Mind your language : Some play rough during the sexual act. It adds aggression to sex and sometimes adds as an arousing agent. However, do note that if your child could hear all your ‘Garbha Sanskara, Beethoven or Soulful’ tunes when he/she was in your womb, then he/she can definitely hear all the cuss words while sleeping next to you or in the same room as you while you have intercourse. So either be very silent or don’t use cuss words at all.

5. Elephant in the room : Be honest, no matter how much you long to get back together or how strong your sexual urge; your mind will be on your child all through the act. A baby in your room allows intimacy but you tend to stay preoccupied. Would you be able to enjoy making love while thinking about your child all the time? So, free your mind completely and get into the act only when you are ready to commit wholeheartedly.

Talk to each other about what worries you and how you feel. Involve your partner in the decision just as much as you involve your partner in the act.

Sex has to be spontaneous; sex has to be pure, sex has to be intuitive and sex has to be fun.

Enjoy sex, relish your lovemaking; but do so with an understanding of your child’s presence. 

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